All right, I’m going to start by saying something that we know but then to forget: Everything that we write sound worse than it would sound when talking. Medium articles written by non professional writers (like me) that might be written by people who have different first languages than english (like me), usually come a lot more blunt than they meant.
Having said that, when you pay attention to “specifics” is where you see the different perspectives. That guy specifically said that men flirt by sending nudes. At dating apps women get plenty of unwanted dick pics. So when we read that, we complete the message with that information. You on the other hand imagine receiving nudes and if for you those nudes would be wanted don’t think it is that bad. But for people who don’t want them it is bad because it is disrespectful. The person doing it just crossed boundaries.
Now there is a specific dynamic that we experience as girls, teenagers and women: men telling us what we are supposed to do so they like us, how we should react, how we need to be in order for them to be liked by them. I’m aware that it is just some men. But it is constant. One of the things we’ve been literally all our lives hearing is things that men want us to take as “compliments” but that we don’t like. Because they assume that we must want to be liked by them and never consider that maybe we don’t like them. Or that they are the ones who need to do things to be liked by us. Now, some men get it, are normal, don’t lecture us, try to learn what we like and what we don’t. Realize that women are different and that each woman like and dislike different things. Those are the ones who are successful. Because they adapt (it is similar for women, my grandma choosed clothes that she knew my grampa liked, cooked his favourite meals, etc). But some men want the “konamy code” to get women. A fail proof method to get women. And they go to pick up artist that assure them that their method is the one. And they prefer to believe those guys instead of what the women themselves are saying. And when that methods fail, blame feminism.
Yes, some guys use negging. I’ve experienced attempts of negging and other weird pick up methods. So some guys might think it works or they would try other tactic. Didn’t work and that lead to very, very weird conversations, because it was as if we were in a play and they were expecting one answer and I was giving them something different, so they repeated as if I didn’t understand their words, expecting to get another answer. So I repeated the first answer and they tried again a variation, because they didn’t know how to have a normal conversation out of script. And I really, really wish that those guys learned to take their cues from someone normal, because while it was somehow funny, it was also painful to see.
My point is, try to read the feminist articles on other light. Some would be rants after very, very bad interactions. Other would be offering useful cues to make conversations more fluid, natural and enjoyable for both parts. Or maybe you need to read about what conservative women like, if you prefer non-feminist women. Or better yet, if you like someone in particular, learn about that person. Nothing works better than people who offer you what you specifically like, not just “flowers”, but your “favourite flower” (or comic, or whatever) while respecting all your boundaries so you can feel comfortable. That is not “fail proof” either, but it is what works better.
I’m afraid there is no “shortcuts” when it comes to meeting people. Not fail proof methods and it is the same for everyone. And if someone doesn’t like you, there is nothing you can do. Insist only would make it worse. You’ll come off as that sales man that keep calling you at all times trying to sell something that you have never asked for in the first place. Annoying barely start to describe it.
