And that is the problem. He made you feel bad, but you hide that from him. So you end being the one uncomfortable for something he has done.

Maybe he didn't know, but that never shield people from consequences in any other scenario. Next time, just tell him that he hurt you. If he is testing the waters and pushing and seeing what he can get away with, let him have it.

Look down on him so he learns that what he did hurts people. Sometimes people he loves. And that he don't get to be "cool" by saying slut or making rape jokes. That this is not "edgy", it is mean.

And if he feel hurt by your reaction, bad luck. He was grown up to say, so he is grown up to deal with the full reaction. He is 14, he knows the meaning of that words. And have access to internet. So he is reading forums. And that means that he might even be reading gamergate or things like that.

You can't shield children, but you can teach them. By not showing him your full reaction, you are preventing him from totally understand the full meaning and baggage of those words. He did deserve the "cold shower".

Don’t take me wrong. It is clear that it wasn’t his intention to hurt you. But he did. And the same way that we would teach him that being reckless with fire or knifes is dangerous and might get someone hurt, we should do the same with words. And if he never see the full impact of his words, he might think that “it is not a big deal”. Or, to use his own words “it is just a joke”, not serious.

Teenagers are more savvy than people give them credit for. They learn quick and can face truths. Even the hard ones. They deserve an honest conversation about those things. Otherwise, they would only heard “the other side”. That is, the unfiltered internet forums they have access to.

After all, fourteen years olds, share the same games and forums with resented fortysomethings with bad divorces. There is were he probably heard about “women cheating and having men pay for “other’s” children”. And he “just knows” because he read it from other males he probably trust because they are his internet friends/references.

So at this point, seeing and experiencing works better than being told.