Because they didn’t bother to ask and choose to “do it and say sorry” rather than “miss the chance” to get their way. So the “loving good guys” basically take the chance to hurt someone and we are supposed to considered “nice”.

And let's face it, they didn’t feel sorry or they would stop. They say sorry out of convenience.

So you can translate “grey consent area” as the situations where the men is allowed plausible deniability or an excuse for what it is rape.

Think about it. Imagine a gun with just one bullet. Let’s say it has 1 on 12 chances to shot. Now imagine that you are allowed to ask in which round is the bullet before deciding to shoot someone. Or to look. Would you accept as a defense to murder that the guy “didn’t look” and he didn’t know that the bullet was in that round? And if he keeps shooting without looking, would you think about that guy as a “nice guy” who unintentionally kill someone? No, you would hold him to his choice to not make sure it won’t hurt someone by shooting.

Or more realistic. Someone who go to shoot in the woods or went hunting. It would be expected that that person look there is no one around. The “I didn’t know” defense won’t save the person from jail if it kills someone. Yes, it can claim that “he thought it was a deer” or whatever, but jail would be granted. Carelessness would be punished because if people is not careful, someone is hurt. But with rape, men are allowed to be careless and still be considered nice. Well, why would you allow that excuse?

At the end of the day, what you are arguing is that you are OK with offering men an easy excuse for their lack of caring and that we shouldn’t make them feel guilty, because their feelings are more important than, you know, others not being raped.

Well, that is not nice, neither loving. It is quite selfish.