But does Islam not place expectations of taking care of the house, taking care of elders, having children on women? Does it say that men should be responsible for this? Could women decide to have a career, be the main breadwinner, and have a husband who does his share of the caring and domestic chores?

Because that is the part of the equation that is missing.

What if a woman finds no joy in cleaning toilets, cooking, and whipping asses? What if she rather just have a career? The way you phrase things doesn't seem like the husband needs to care about "spending his full wage on someone to care for their children" as you say for women. Aren't the children his too? Then why is it just a woman's problem? Why it is only her the one who needs to choose and balance things? Ah, right, because he has already successfully made women responsible for his part of the caring. They can drop that plate because women are expected to pick it.

And that is where religious feminism is incomplete. Western too, but at least it is still trying. not going back to the "stay at home" as default. No choice of focusing on your career while a husband takes care of the home. Which also limits men. After all, aren't men losing their children's lives?