Don’t worry. I think it is a problem that happens when you can’t see people’s faces and expressions. When I write I sound more aggressive than in person, where people can see me smiling or laughing. Also sorry about the “spam”. Face to face it would be a conversation.
It is not so much that I think that people are “perfect” and doesn’t need improving. It is more that I believe that people shouldn’t change for others and that they are perfect/loveable the way they are. They only should try to change/improve themselves for themselves.
You are perfect the way you are = you don’t need to change to be loved.
That also applies to men, by the way. They don’t really need to fit any list, find the person/persons that value the good things they have and can tolerate/don’t mind their flaws.
But the “bring things to the table” is transactional. And transactional relationships are more like jobs. lol. And many times what is being really taken into account are not the plain facts such as “you still live with your parents”, but more like “you still live with your parents because you are helping take care of your elder grandma” is not the same as “you still live with your parents because you couldn’t care to keep a job for longer than a month”. And even then, it would not be the same if you have 20 than if you are in your 50s.
And then you have things that show values/attitudes. I mean, if a man tells me on the first date that he has a high-paying job as a way to try to win me over, implicitly he is saying that he thinks that is what I would value the most about him. He is implying that I’m a gold digger, which is insulting. It might not be enough to discard him, but it is a potential red flag. At the same time, that man who brags about how much money he made, might think that the reason I react uninterested is that I expect even higher wage/earnings. See where the problem lies? We would have a completely different set of values and expectations.
Many men who complain about impossible standards by women don’t realize that they aren’t being measured about their income or looks, but about their personality and values. And that they have failed on showing respect (by treating you as someone they can buy).
On the bright side of things, there are plenty of men who aren’t like that. And you only need to find one you are compatible with. I found one about 6 years ago, we live together and are happy.
