Feminity is not about clothes or looks. Audrey Hepburn showed us that she is more feminine in trousers that many conservative women in floral skirts and white blouses. Why? because she just let herself be. Try it.
Many men find erotic a women using their oversized heavy metal T-shirts, why? Because those women know how to be femenine even wearing their boyfriend clothes and is a way to show complicity between the two.
Not every men would find your version of feminity attractive. That is ok.
But it is limiting to think that there is only one way to be femenine and that it is about clothes and make up. It is not.
After all, it is a matter of time you become old. And if your feminity depends on certain looks, then you'll stop being "femenine". You confuse looks that men find sexy, with being femenine and those are different things.
Neither is about being gentle, soft or nurturing. Some men like that and other like other things. Some men might like your "over thinking" and won't require of you to pretend to be things.
Being asked in a lot of dates is not practical. You have limited time in the week. If you are normal and have a life, you'll go 1 or 2 dates a week tops. Going to many first dates, asked for second is not useful either if you don't like that first date (source, I was on many of those first dates where the man asked for a second but I didn't wanted because I didn't think it worked). It is better to be ask less but by people who would really like you as you are. And that you would really like without having to talk yourself into tolerating things that you hate.
I agree that you can't force a man to like you, neither you can pretend all the time. If you are more assertive than gentle and soft, it would eventually show. If you don't like to be submisive, it would become grating. So look for someone who likes who you are without changing.
In fact it is helpful to discourage men who won't be compatible with you anyway. It would save you from terrible relationships and you'll be single in case you meet someone who is compatible with you. After all, if you are dating someone that describes himself as "healthy masculine" but that anoys you terribly and suddently meet a guy you really like and vive with, that doesn't need you to perform "fake feminity" to like you, he might pass on you because you are not free.
Date only people who you are comfortable to be yourself with and that likes you regardless what you are wearing. In the mornings, you won't have make up on. Sometimes you won't have clothes either. And your body is going to change.
Self aware women know feminity has nothing to do with what you say, but about knowing yourself and not being afraid to be as you are. I hope some day you feel free to wear whatever you feel at the moment even if some men won't find you attractive at that precise time. One day it could be a dress and another combat boots. Or both at the same time. Experiment, try things, don't worry if doing this or that would mess your outfit or if winning at something would make some people say that you are "leaning on your masculine side". You would be doing whatever it is in a femenine way because feminity is inherent to being a woman. It is you who define feminity as Audrey Hepburn did, not others. When you understand this, no matter what you do, you would be femenine.
This is Audrey with trousers:
https://www.gettyimages.es/fotos/audrey-hepburn-pants
She is more femenine than many conservatives with a dress. Give it a thought.
