Gold digger is a way to shame women who have strong preferences for rich men. It is not the only shaming women can get.

There are more ways of shaming. In general, people who puts a lot of weight in appearance are considered supperficial. And there is a lot of shaming for women who do that.

And then there is the shame for women who look for "suggar daddies".

At the end of the day, what is socially aceptable changes depends on the circles you move.

In religious circles, being a player would be shamed.

Feminist in general don't like men who put to much weight in our appearance because implicitly takes weight away from other qualities. You can found solace in the thought that we probably aren't your type anyway. So good riddance to us. At least in the dating pool. ;)

Think of that reactions as their way to express preferences. And from a practical stand point, ask for pictures. You'll see if she is fat, without having to point out that that is why she is not your type. Is far more subtle and understable. You can offer pictures (clothed) in exchange and all would be good. lol