I didn't said they don't deserve respect. But people who tell "white lies" aren't being disrespectful. They usually are communicating in what is supposed to be a social acceptable way. I mean, people are supposed to know that the expression "I'd like to but I can't" is a polite "no" meant to not hurt feelings.

In fact men use the same formula with their parents or family when for whatever reason they aren't accepting an invitation. They do know is a formula of rejection. What is weird is that some of them "forget" when it is used on them.

The part about safety it is real. I mean, when I was a teenager (and more acted more like an ashole) I used to take men's word on their claim that they wanted honesty. Belive me, they didn't. If I told them, "No, I don't want to go because I don't like you", they'll become angry. And lie and pretend that it was an "inocent" invitation as "friends". When of course they wanted to get me drunk to try again. And if I rejected again when they felt they have "invested" in me by buying drinks (Even if I had previusly rejected them), they became more angry because they felt entitled to me changing my mind.

It is not so much about emotional laziness but about what works better to end an uncomfortable situation. In doubt, women would take that route because is the path with less risk for them.

You have the right to feel appalled, but you might want to consider that things doesn't come out of no where. Sure, we can risk someone getting angry and/or violent to save some men's feelings. Many times we do that. But tell me something, are you equally appalled for the men who won't accept polite rejection and decide to "not take no for an answer?". Do you tell them that it is wrong? Because that is the root of the problem.

Also, I don't think it is a good idea to ask for explanations about why someone says "no". Honesty at this point would lead to hurt feelings. I mean, if someone doesn't find me physically attractive, do I need that person to tell me "no, I think you are ugly"? Not really.

In my experience, many men who complain about women not being honest, don't want them either to tell the blunt truth. They understood the first polite rejection as a rejection, they just think they can "negotiate" a change of answer by claiming that our reasons for rejection are not valid, as if there was any reason needed beyond "I don't feel like it".

That is my experience and for what my friends told me, it is not that different from theirs. If you want to break the partern, it starts by telling other men to take the polite rejections for what they are. And to not get angry when rejected. Then girls and women would feel more confident in just telling you and won't fear someone getting violent. Remeber that violent people look normal until they act violent.

Believe me, I've been very, very honest. But that doesn't guarantee that a guy accept a rejection, it leads to hurt feelings and pointless discussions about how unfair it is that I rejected them for [insert reasons related to my preferences]. For example: you don't feel attracted to them? You are supperficial. They aren't respectful to you? You are to sensitive (and should put up woth that), You don't find them interesting? You are dumb (Hell, I had one men who keep talking about how great he was told me that because he couldn't understand that hearing him talk about himself was boring for me) At some point it gets tiring to go though all that just to reject someone who you simply don't like.

So if someone doesn't accept the first polite rejection, then whatever it follows is his/her fault. Remember, there is no ambiguity on "I'd love to but I can't". It is a no. And if it happens more than once, it is a repeated no. You do know that if you ask again you'll get the same answer. What would you preffer? That she tells you "No, and I would never go out with you". That is more clear, but also blunt and you would probably call her rude because "there is no need".

I mean, we can "roleplay scenarios" where you play the girl who rejects guys. You'll see that many times there is really no way to win except not playing.