No disrespect, but what you call "overcomplicated" is an acurate description of what I see at the homes here.

Sure, the idea that the "abuela" or "abuelo" need to be taken care of exist. But the grampas and grandmas want to stay at their homes if possible. And that usually means that the daughters, but not the sons, are the ones making the extra effort.

Now, when you say that they do it with love and devotion, also left out how tired they also feel, the resentment the also accumulate for not getting help and not being able to enjoy live as much as the men and many other complicated feelings.

Here I think that men, who doesn't shoulder the burder, choose to only see one side. But I see my mother tired and the ones who offer her help are other women. Meanwhile, her brothers "voluntold" their wives and simply don't do their share. Their wives do. And let me tell you, all of them except one hace careers on top of that.

For you there is only "love" and "it is better", but you are not the one who would be expected to do the work or pay the price. So I stand by what I said, when men start doing their share, maybe it would be better. Until then, they shouldn't judge if women say that they can't deal with everything on their own and look for help in nursehomes. After all, they are not getting such help at their own homes by their husbands and brothers.

And then you have the part about children having to share a room with a grandma or grandpa. Not having your own space as a teenager is also hard.

Also, in Mexico and other latin countries it used to be that costum to not allow to marry one of the daughters so she could care of her parents when they grow old. She was denied a life in order for the parent to have a free carer/servant. So as nice as your words sound, the reality is not that simple or nice. Specially for the carers who, as I said, many times become burn out.

Families are complicated and things aren't as fair as they seem. Although I can see how from a men's perspective it is a great arrangement and makes sense that they idealize it. You take all the perks and just a fraction of the troubles. Devotion and love don't make the harship disappear or erase the burn out and the resentment, they turn into guilt when that happens. And that is why we see such backlash against feminism, because for men it was much nicer and easier to let women deal with all the care (you know, the part about raising better children XD). Now that women are speaking up about the hardships of care, they complain. And that is what I see here. Probably Mexico is similar.

But the solution is relatively simple. Men can clean, change nappies (for children and adults), take them to the doctor even if that means losing a promotion, cook, go to buy meds, discuss with the elder about their diet... And they can do it with love and devotion too. When they have to sacrifice their careers and free time too, we can have this conversation again because care is hard as hell on the carers and dismissing that as "love and devotion" solve it all, doesn't sit well if you have done the caring.