Not true.
The problem is that holding doors open (I do that for my neighbours without any romantic feeling, it is just polite), bringing flowers (we do that to coworkers when we want to be nice. Or send flowers to family events) are not romantic gestures.
Planning a meaningful date might be romantic or not depending on the specific date. When the plan was what the man likes, with no attention to the woman, suddently is less romantic. Also, women plan dates too.
The problem is that holding doors, bringing flowers and planing dates can be a shallow exchange. The husband who cheats and send flowers? Not so romantic, right? Or the one who send flowers every birthday because it is easier than thinking a present that catters to his wife specific preferences? Sorry, but that is not romantic, is minimum effort. And what about the date at a restaurant that the man loves but where the woman can barely eat because she is vegan and they only serve meat? Or because he likes sea food and she is alergic? Or she simply doesn't like the place but he does so they end going to the place he likes and the woman shouldn't complain because otherwise she is seen as ungrateful.
My point is that romantic gestures are only romantic when done thinking about the person you want to make happy. Fresh juice in the morning or a clean home and home made dinner after a hard day at work might be a lot more romantic than an expensive dinner once a week or month. Some men understand this (and some women too). So they have those small details that show they care, respect and like the other person.
A specific book can be more romantic than flowers. Or a walk in the park to remeber a detail of a first date.
Chivalry is falling because it is shallow, not romantic. It is applying simple politeness that everyone should do for everyone and expect to be rewarded for that.
Try talking and listening to the other person. Then have details for that person that adapt to that specific person. Or that you would only have for that person and not your neighbours. Because the things you quote as "chivalry" are things I do for my neighbours and coworkers as "just polite and nice". So what kind of "reciprocal effort" should I expect from them for those simple things? Or only men are to be rewarded for holding a door? Or maybe, you know, we can do it for everyone just because...
Read your complain about "not valuing chivalry" and it becomes clear that chivalry is transactional to you. You expect a specific reaction from women to those gestures. On the other hand, neighbours doesn't expect more than a "thanks" for holding the door.
How about doing the effort to find out what the other person considers romantic? And then do it. And how about also valuing when women do romantic things? Because women have romantic gestures too (or should have them).
Seriously, read what you are trying to say. Generic politeness rewarded as if it was a huge effort instead of something that should be normal.
By the way, why you say "for women is about recognizing and valuing those efforts" but not say the same to men? If i happen to reach the door first and hold it for the man, does the gesture stop being nice? If I find a nice place and plan a date and, logically, pay for it, is it not nice? Let's face it, "chivalry" is an easy alternative to being actually thoughtful and romantic.
To some people, finding the uncatalog scify book they've been searching is way more romantic than flowers. Or waking up 5 minutes early to prepare fresh juice. That is effort. Buying flowers is way less effort.
So death to chivalry, long live to politeness and personal details.
