OK, I'll elaborate. When people look for a relationship, they ask for more things than they would ask for a casual fling. Since usually more women want a relationship than women who want casual flings, you get that in general terms women are more exigent than men. Since many man want something casual, they are less demanding (moslty looks), and you get the 80%.
It is not so much that women are looking for the 20%, is more that behaviour in those platforms is heavily influenced by their algorythms. For example, tinder usually show younger women to men, while to women they show older and supposedly higher earning (what you call the 20%). But they won't show profiles of men of the same age. So women who might want men of the same age and similar background won't even be presented with that option. OK cupid is similar. By codding in their algorythm the traditional model, they get a self selecting sample of people. And the people who won't fit that model would swipe left more and end leaving the platform.
Once you understand how the algorythm works, you can try to "play it" in your favor. Learn about their failures and use some of it. But to do that, you need to be aware of this. You can try to "metagame" it.
What worked for me (and might not work for others) is to encourage early rejections in order to focus on the dates that have some chance to work. That is, I make sure that my pictures showed my nerdy interest, that the app allowed me to write whatever I wanted instead of selecting between a few fields that offer limited options so they can fit you into one cathegory and discard people based on behaviour. But I'm good identifying patterns.
So here are a couple of easy suggestions:
1. Ask your friends to introduce you to people and go to parties/group activities.
2. Join other single friends and go to single events. Instead of competing, help each other. When you met several people at the same time, there is less presure, the other person won't feel that they are trying to set her up.
3. Ask questions about the other person. Pay attention to the answers and follow up the conversation. Being attentive helps a lot because it is what might help you identify the potential things to connect with the other person.
The avatar someone chose, their favorite songs and books or the way they chose to present themselves tell you a lot about them. Those are your cues.
And sure, try to present the best of yourself. But don't lie or bother with false pictures. At the end of the day, if you go to a date, they would see you. If things go well, they would see you without clothes or make up. And at that time, what counts is that both feel comfortable, safe and can enjoy it. If you lie, the other person would eventually find out and feel betrayed. So being honest works better in the long term.
What I can say is that people wants to feel treated as a person. Since each person is unique, you need to catter to their specific needs and wants. And the only way to find out those is to ask, pay attention and identify the clues. I'm not saying it would work always, but it might help you connect.
As for being a good person, the thing is that while that is required, is not enough. A bad person would be discarded once identified as such (people can be fooled, but when they find out, they eventually break up). A good person has a chance, but also would need to connect and work on the relationship. People tend to notice when you do things to get laid as opposed to when you do them because you enjoy them. Example: going to a comic convention. But the same thing done by your boyfriend, could be seen as him doing it for you and as a nice thing. Context matter and relationships are personal, so you need to learn what "love language" work with each person.
