What works for me is what I call “escalation of no”. I apply it not just for dating, but for everything. I always start politely. They get about 3 polite rejections. If that doesn’t work, I start being more direct. For example: “No, thanks”. Then it becomes “No, I don’t want to”. But once you reach the point of “No, I don’t want you”, if you say “I’ve already told you no” and they keep insisting, it is clear that it is not a misunderstanding. It is about not accepting rejection. And I’ve learned that past this point is on them to accept rejection (same as it is on me to accept rejection when it happens to me).
In my experience, many people claim “to not understand” rejection as plausible deniability for not accepting a no. But there is no way that they haven’t understood.
The problem is not that I can’t understand the consequences of ghosting, the problem is that I can imagine situations where being honest is severely punished in women. Think about what you said here:
Some people would never be ok being rejected by a woman they deem “theirs”. No matter how nicely you phrase it, how empathetic and how tactful. As you admitted, there are people that think that men should pursue women and keep insisting. The most extreme, won’t take no for an answer. With the ones who won’t take no for an answer, it comes a point that you need to choose between being blunt/hurtful or just walking away/ghosting. You have already rejected them politely, you have already rejected them in more assertive ways. They keep coming not because they are annoying, but because they know that they can abuse good manners to impose their presence on you and control the narrative. They would tell others that you are ungrateful for not “thanking them” for things that you didn’t want them to do in the first place, take your time, invade your space and never relent.
Now, imagine if one of the people that you have already rejected several times keeps insisting and telling other people things like “I cooked for them and he didn’t even want to go to the cinema after. And I paid for the tickets!”. And you would be thinking “But I told her I didn’t want dinner and had other plans!”. Now imagine situations like this repeated over and over in time. They do things for you (that you didn’t ask for and told them not to) and expect things in return. And to outsiders, you are the one at fault, because “you can’t appreciate all those nice things”. The only thing that works is to stay away. And that people have already got their rejection. They told them “No, thanks”. They are the ones who are being disrespectful.
And I hope that you (or anyone else) are never at the receiving end of this. Because it is not just annoying, it is toxic.
