You are single because you choose to

And that is a good thing

I know how it sounds. Many single people want to date someone. Or have sex. Or find the love of their life. Many people don’t want to be single.

But while they would like to stop being single, they still are choosing to be. And that is perfectly OK. I’ve been there. I was single, didn’t want to be single, and yet, I keep rejecting people I didn’t like. And that was the right choice because you don’t want to be with someone you don’t like.

Many times, when the people we do like don’t like us back, we focus on that and forget all the other people we are rejecting (because we don’t like them or have never been interested in them). The fact is that if we really, really wanted to be with someone, we would give a chance to that person (their gender is irrelevant if you just want to have “someone”) 30 years older (you can always settle!) and that you find physically unattractive. By having no standards and saying yes to literally anyone, you could stop being single. But that is a terrible idea. I mean it.

And this also applies to men. Many of the 20–30 something men who complain about getting dates, could easily get one by trying with 40–50 something women who might be slightly overweight (or really overweight). Or by going out with some gay man. But they aren’t trying because they don’t like those women and aren’t gay.

And that is a choice. We pick what feels best among limited choices. Sometimes we don’t like any of those choices but there are still choices. Being aware of this helps to put things in perspective because it is no longer about us being unattractive, it is about us having standards.

Sure, we might wish for a better option and work to get it, but we can avoid the trap of thinking that we are “not worthy” or “not good enough”. You are just looking for what you want and like and might take time, but it is still better than settling for something that would never work for you.

Remember, if you want to stop being single, you just need to lower your standards. And if that is not enough, dig deeper. But since when lowering standards is a good idea? I’ll tell you: never. Don’t settle, look for someone who makes you happy. Being single is not perfect, but it is way better than being with someone, anyone, no matter what.