You didn't have the obligation to answer, so thanks for doing it.
I don't think my story is that special. Everyone have stories and there are things to learn from everyone. I think that the only thing that might be different in my case is that for some reason, I paid more attention to what people do and what I see, than what they told me.
Sometimes while talking to people, they were saying one thing, but I was thinking "what they really want is this other thing". I mean, for me it was obvious and there were those things that are considered impolite to say aloud.
For example: if my grandfather was served food first as a sign of respect, the food was cooked by my grandmother and, theoretically they were "equally respected", why was she the last served? Those were the things that I saw as contradictory. And there was plenty of little details that told me that the one who was really respected was my grandfather. On the other hand, my grandma was loved, but the family took for granted her efforts. The "respect" they migth had, didn't traslated in actual gestures like the one for my grampa.
But I don't think my case was special. I think many girls go through that. We see the contrast between the supposed respect that SAHP get and what it looks like in practice. SAHM weren't allowed by society to demand respect the way breadwinners did and receive.
As for my family encouragement, my family values studies, but as with everything, there was contradictions because society is contradictory and people is contradictory. On one hand I was expected to study and get a job, on the other, both grandfathers wanted me to marry a man with money (his preference, not mine). The one who directly told me I should look for a man with assest, became angry when I pointed out that that would be prostitution. Acording him that "wasn't what he meant". That was the same grandfather who used to gave more money to my younger brother because he would needed to invite girls, while acording him, I would be invited. I wanted the money for books and told him that "boyfriends" won't invite me to books and that if I dated to be invited that was prostitution and that he was encouraging me to prostitute. He got angry, even if for me that was obvious.
The point is, I don't think my experiences are that weird. Many of my friends have similar ones. We are navegating changes in society, doing the best we can in not perfect situations.
I have ended working as a SAP consultant, which is not a profesion you dream of as a child (probably it didn't even exist XD) but suits me well. It pays decent and allow me to travel, buy a house and live well. I'm happy with the outcome. I was lucky. I could have appreciated more support in my studies and if they would have encouraged me to go into engineering. I think I would have enjoyed it. Anyway, I'm not complaining, economics was interesting too.
As for raising children, I think that you need to give them the skills and tools to grow on their own. To face challenges. That means that some things like cooking, they need to know. Eating well is necesary for survival. In the same light, they need to know about computers, programs and algorythms. Not being experts, but be aware of the basics and how they affect their lives (even if it is tik-tok or the next social media app). They also need to know about maths and economics, since it would affect them. And house skills, because they would need them. And probably they would need to learn how to navegate social situations. Sometimes it means explaining things like "credibility". As in "teachers won't believe you even if you tell the truth if you don't have credibility and they give more to the students with good grades". Other times it would mean explaining why you should touch someone without permision (for example, don't touch other people's hair, children tend to do that).
The other important thing for children is that they learn to be respectful, but that respect doesn't include accepting people to hurt you, crossing your boundaries or disrespecting you.
At the end of the day, you need to be prepared for them to become teenagers. By that time they would do whatever they want even if you threaten with punishment. So they need to know some basics for survival and about respect (to others and themselves). And it is also important prepare them to say "no" to their peers. Considering the dangerous tik-tok challenges, teaching them to say "no, that is stupid" is a must XD.
And when they become young and want independence, they need to be prepared to live on their own with little money. So doing groceries, cooking, cleaning on their own is a must. Managing money is also a must. How to get along with different people is other must. And basic ofimatics and computer using is also a need to get a decent job. Everything else is up to them.
Children are their own people with their own lives. Give them information but let them choose for themselves. If you do it right, they might even come from time to time for advice. I know because sometimes I ask my father for advice. Others I ask my mother. Depends on the expertise area.
I don't really see any advantage to gendered education. In fact just the opposite. You might be closing doors to your children. What if their natural talent falls in an area that is considered traditionaly for the other gender? What if gendered education makes them "compliant" with other people expectations and are unnable to say no to stupid things because they want to comply with their peers expectations. Example: In my country young men (and not so young) say to each other "no hay cojones" (you could tranlate this as "you don't have guts") to push each other into doing dangerous/stupid things. Like drinking too much or climbing while drunk, etc. Some men use that to manipulate others into doing things. And while you can be on the game to be part of the group, you also need to know when to stop. The point is: gendered rolls are unnecesary limitations. Kids should know that sometimes it might be advantageous to perform for others those roles, but that are just roles and that they can ditch them whenever they feel like and it is more advantageous for them to not perform them. Like clothes, you can change and adapt depending what it suits you better for the company and ocasion.
